In my childhood I heard that, I will have every freedom to do whatever I wish once I grow up…..but now when I am grown up I learnt there is no freedom to do Whatever I wish to do.
I was told if I study harder it will be paid well and I can buy anything on my own then. I want to buy happiness, satisfaction, independence of thought & act for all and me….but….probably my studies dint pay me that much.
I was always a people pleasurer……never said no to anyone’s expectation and tried hard to live up to the demand. Done everything I was expected to do at the time and most of the time it was …. “Weldon”. During the role-playing of the perfect daughter, sister, friend, student, teacher, wife….I lost me. I forgot who am I. Even I can’t remember the little girl once who was me. She is still in cocoon and the one she finds in the mirror now that is a different species to her …. not the butterfly she was probably meant to be.
She is frightened now and want to come out, fly in the garden…..But her wings are heavy; loaded with customs, burdens, woes, clumsy thoughts……she is here screaming in silence to burp out her clumsy thoughts, anger, disgust, pain. So that at the end she can share some of her colours and flutters.
This is going to be an outlet of my unorganized thoughts…..I think.